Karen Foley
Lynn Raye Harris
Ellen Hartman
Diana Holquist
Samantha Hunter
Shirley Jump
Dee Tenorio
Jeannie Watt
Performance Anxiety
My youngest daughter is auditioning this week for a musical – a much bigger performance than anything she’s done before. On top of this, she hasn’t done any sort of drama (unless you count the end of the world predictions she makes whenever she has to do her chores) in a couple years. So I wasn’t surprised when she told me she’s scared. At first, she claimed she’s shy. I had to laugh. The child is even less shy than I am (if we’ve met, you know I’m not exactly the quiet retiring type). But I did help her understand that what she’s dealing with isn’t shyness. Its performance anxiety. I get it, too. I hate being ‘on stage’.
Then I realized something. We perform with each and every book we write. Yes, the story we put together is ours, a little piece of ourselves that we share with the world. Given all the talent out there, it’s easy to become intimidated and get performance anxiety. It’s easier, still, to use it as an excuse to hold back or not try.
Awhile back, to help alleviate the performance anxiety, I came up with a list of things I know help me feel like I can take on the world. These are tried and true tools that have given me a writing boost, faith to step up to the plate and play.
Tawny’s List:
A Hero – A hot and sexy guy is good, but for this kind of hero I mean someone you admire and would like to emulate. You know, that person whose writing, whose career, whose direction inspires you. Nora is a great example of a woman whose work ethic is legend. She’s paved the way for romance, she’s the epitome of strength and talent.
A Mentor – Whether it’s another writer (or if you’re a non-writer, a person in your field you admire and look up to) or an industry professional, a mentor is that person who believes in you and pushes you to greatness. I’ve been blessed to have an incredible editor – long before she bought me, Brenda pushed, encouraged and taught me to be a better, stronger writer.
Support – I have a circle of incredible wonderful friends and an amazing family. One way or another, they are always there for me. Anytime I doubt myself, I think of them and know I can do anything, and they have my back. Support is also chapter mates, blog sisters, readers, etc... The list can be as long as you like –and the longer the better!
Most important, Be happy for the success and good fortune of others – Good Karma will out. By really celebrating the successes and positive things that happen to the people around you, you not only build good karma, you build stronger friendships and it just makes life easier.
So for the next few days, I’ll be helping my daughter find all of these things for herself. Will it help her with her performance anxiety? I’m not sure, but I do know it’ll help her feel better as she finds her own way to deal with it.
And how about you? Do you get performance anxiety? Or any other type of anxiety? What tried and true methods do you use to get past it?
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Hi Tawny! Best wishes for
Hi Tawny! Best wishes for your daughter with her audition. I'm always so amazed and impressed when I see these kids on stage; I'd be too self-conscious to sing or dance in front of my peers, never mind an auditorium full of strangers, LOL!
My mantra for performance anxiety is "It will be over soon, it will be over soon, it will be over soon." But that's only when I have to do briefings at the office, or meet with important people and need to sound smart. ;)
I love your list of coping tools, Tawny. When it comes to writing, I have to say that one of my biggest motivators in overcoming performance anxiety is my editor. I just don't want to disappoint her. I also visualize complete strangers reading my book, and then finishing it and putting it down with a sense of satisfaction. But in order for that vision to become real, I need to write the best story that I can.
Fun topic, Tawny, and I'm in complete agreement with you about Karma!
Me either!
Karen, I'll tell ya a secret... I'd be terrified up on stage too LOL. But thats now. When I was her age I was fine school performances, etc so I'm hoping that as much as she loves drama, this will carry her into adulthood *g* Or I'm justifying LOL.
And hey, your mantra is the saem one I use when I fly. And I agree on the editor motivation. She's our first reader, and honestly the one I am always the most anxious over.
Maintain Balance
If you stress that no matter the outcome, she is still a wonderful person inside, and that's what counts. Plus, she's very special and unique, unlike no other, and she is a strong person. With that whole bundle in her keeping, she's going to do her very best.
CaitLondon.com
http://caitlondon.blogspot.com
Lovely
Cait, I love your advice. Thank you so much. We're big on positive support here. Wayne Dyer is one of my fave non-fiction authors and he's now written books for kids that we reread quite often. Their advice is similar to yours :-D
And its so good for all of is. I know I still get all tied in knots over book releases and their results - and if the results aren't good they make me sick and self-doubting. I need to learn to practice what I preach under stress much better!
Oh, I'd be a terrible
source of info on that kind of thing. Like Karen, I look forward to when stuff is done. I also tell myself things like, "The worst that can happen is they hate it and follow me home with pitchforks." No idea why that works, but it does help a little.
The other thing is that I was trained to do what had to be done, period. And that you eat everything you put on your own plate. My Mom was very much a stickler for those two things, even when I was very little. Makes a girl choosy about the stuff she commits to. :)
I wish your daughter luck and confidence. She'll do just fine as long as she reminds herself that this is something she's trained herself to do. More importantly, that she WANTS to do. :)
Hugs,
Dee
Love it!
OMG Dee, that is so funny. I love the pitchfork mantra. I agree on the 'do what has to be done' thinking - its so strong toward pushing us through the reluctance.
I think she's going to be fine. She loved rehearsal last night and is listening to her CD of the musical's soundtrack over and over. Its like starting a new book, I think -the unknown is a little intimidating LOL
You know...
I have looked at this blog a few times today, and couldn't really think of what to say... LOL
I think we all get stage fright etc of some variety or another at some point in our lives (unless you are my husband, Mike, who seems to lack it completely...), but my usual strategy is to avoid those situations, LOL.
I think when I can't avoid it, I just prepare well, and as Dee says, I do what I have to do. Suck it up, jump in and hope for the best.
I remember that most times when I thought I really flubbed something, people were supportive and clapped anyway or told me they enjoyed my presentation (or whatever) so I think I more or less rely on the belief that most people will appreciate a good effort and will be kind to the poor schmuck standing up there.
But it's really strange -- for me, I can do some public appearance or group activity, etc and it doesn't make me so much as blink (like teaching, presenting in that format, etc) or job interviews, but then things like getting up on stage to accept an award would make me rather stick something sharp in my eye. ;)
Good luck to your girl,
Sam
LOL
You know, I hate public speaking. Really really. But when Brenda told me back in, hmmm, 2006? that she wanted me to present at National the next year, I freaked, then sucked it up and agreed becaue its good for my career. That kind of thing is usually what pushes me through the anxiety. I just tell myself over and over "its for your career". I'm president of my local RWA chapter and like you, Sam, it doesn't make me blink to get up and talk. But every year I was up for a Golden Heart, I sat there in the audience hoping like crazy that I wouldn't win.
Now when you were up for a Rita, I hoped the opposite ;-)
I just remembered
You know, one of the WORST moments of stage fright I EVER had was at my sister's 25th anniversary party, where I was supposed to tell some story about them or whatnot, and I had put together this little speech, and I was so nervous that I nearly swallowed my tongue. It was all people I knew, family, etc and I was so nervous they all wondered what the heck was wrong with me. They still remember it. I did better at my nephew's wedding where I had to read a poem. That was in a church, up on a podium, even, being taped, and weirdly I think the pressure helped me get that anxiety under wraps. But also, I was reading a poem someone else had written, so it was just reciting -- I think maybe my other nerves were from worries about what I had written, worries about expectations that it would be lame, after all, I am the WRITER in the family. Ugh
But needless to say, I'll never present anything to my family again! LOL Or at least nothing that I have to write. *G*
Sam
You know...
sometimes it's almost WORSE to perform something for people you know. As much as I despise being in front of people for any reason, it's almost harder when it's family, friends, and people who know you--maybe I feel more of the weight of expectation/need not to disappoint them? With utter strangers I can just keep reminding myself, "Who cares? They don't know me from Adam! I'll probably never see them again anyway!" But with non-strangers, I feel like if I do poorly, it's changing how they see me in a bad way, and that bothers me (obviously)... (I didn't even like to practice book reports or that sort of thing at home--silly, I know!)
Sorry to ramble!
Anyway, Karen, tell your daughter to go break a leg! (Figuratively speaking, of course...) Ditto all the advice Dee and Cait and Sam had! If she's done her best to prepare (and that helps--knowing your stuff inside out does reduce the anxiety a teeny tiny bit), then as long as she tries her best that day, she's golden! She's already got you all as her biggest fans!
LOL
So true, Fedora, re: family/friends -- because what strangers won't ever remember, family and friends seem never to forget! LOL
Sam
Public vs private
I don't know... I'm alot more comfy in front of family and friends. When I had to speak at the PRO retreat last year, it was so much easier being able to focus on faces in the audience I knew.
I think if it was just a stranger thing, I'd be totally wishing I'd win some big award LOL
Leave it to family
If we're going to flub, its going to be in front of family and they never do let is forget :-P It makes sense, too, that you'd be more nervous to share somethign that came from you like that than recite. I know authors who do readings from their books -the idea makes my throat close up. ACK no way!!! REad, aloud, my own words? Oh nonononononooo.
Yeah
You'll never catch me doing that either. I'm with you on that!
Sam