Nice to have you here, and what a neat topic. :) Hot cover, too!

I have been in love twice, though the first time wasn't the real thing -- I know that because it didn't last. It was maybe a lot of other stuff, ego, desperation, wrong thinking, and sure, lust, but it wasn't love. Whatever brought us together faded instead of grew.

Now, I know being in love, but I think that's something I can say having been with one person for 14 years now. We had a form of love upon meeting, definitely lust, crush, all the fun stuff, and we did say we loved each other, but looking back, I think love is what you develop over time, which is maybe why some of those old-fashioned arranged marriages actually worked, because if you have the passion at the start, the attraction, that's nice, but love is the thing that grows and weathers and solidifies as you move through it.

To that extent, at the end of our books, most of our characters are really only at the beginning -- the bud of what love will be 14 or 50 years later. I suppose we call it a HEA because we're assuming they'll work it through (which is what makes it so wonderful to see characters in other books after the HEA, which I had the chance to do with my Hotwires chars, and I just got to read in Megan's Broken...).

I think you can know pretty quickly who the right person is, or might be, but love, as the song says, takes time. ;) I hope you find someone to find it with. :)

Sam

I have to agree with Sam--love isn't always an instantaneous feeling. I dated a good portion of my husband's friends before dating him, never even casting him a second glance. When we parted ways after our first date, I actually got that creepy spine-shiver thing where I was like 'this guy is soo not for me'. (Let's not tell him that, okay?) I did go out with him again, though (I liked, uh, certain parts of him enough that I was game for more *wink, wink* ) and the rest is history. We've been together for eleven years (as of New Year's Eve), married for six, and we have three great kids. I find myself loving him more and more everyday. Thank goodness I was shallow--okay, I'll admit it...EASY--enough at the beginning to keep going back for more. :)

Shelli,
I'm going on 27 years with a guy that I met just weeks after thinking, "Wow, for the first time ever, I'm enjoying being single." Pow! There he was. We'd gone to school together, but had never even felt an inkling that we would ever get together. When we did, I think our friends and family expected a quick divorce. Didn't happen.

My daughter has a male best friend who is always there for her. A great guy. The one that scrapes her up when a relationship fails. She'd love to fall in love with him, but can't. She's tried. He's game, but the spark isn't there. So they continue being close, but nothing more. Weird how these things work out.

Oh, and I've met the most interesting guys in my life after thirty one. Don't let the number get to you.

Jeannie

I've been in love twice and the first time, I was too young and we changed, drifted apart, etc. The second time around has been much better because I can just be who I am with him (my wonderful husband) and he can be who he is and sometimes we don't like it but you know what? That's okay. Love isn't perfect, sometimes it can be hard work but it's worth it. My hub encourages me to be a better, stronger person and I do the same for him.

You'll find love soon Shelli, I just know it! :)

~ Karen Erickson

http://karenwritesromance.com

I have been in love twice, which is more than enough for me. The first one crashed and burned so horribly that I thought I never wanted to go there again, but then I found my Mister Right *sigh*! I am so glad that I never gave up because he is so worth it. I can not say that I knew from the very start that he was the one but I felt that there was something special about him and I am so glad that I turned out to be right! Anyway I hope that you find the love that you are looking for. They say that it always happens when you're not looking and when you least expect it...and it's so true!

Good Luck!!

Lauren

...and others who've said that love's grown on us. I definitely haven't experienced that "love at first sight" phenomenon (although I don't write off its existence). I do think that we're doing ourselves a disservice if we assume that the spark or magic is the only hallmark of love. I think that much of what solidifies a committed relationship is the ongoing choice to behave lovingly, whether or not one feels like it at the time and whether or not it's "deserved."

That said, it's terrific if you've got some attraction to get the ball rolling :)

My own experience with my husband is that we were friends in college for a couple years first (although he was attracted to me as more); we had an on-again-off-again for a year or so until I finally called it quits (I wasn't sure he was "the one") and we went on to date others and sort of loosely stayed in touch. He was on the verge of proposing to another woman when she cut him loose (yay for me!) and we spent more time together as friends until we decided to give the whole couple thing another chance. That was over 11 years ago, we've now been married for over 10, and have three kids. I think once we decided that last time, we both decided this was it--I know I must drive him absolutely bonkers with lots of things, but this is it! There's no escape now ;) (I SO thankful we've made that choice :))

Apologies for length!

Hi, Shelli -

I'm one of those "knew right away" people. I took one look at a 6'4" scrawny 18 year old boy (I was 19, so that was okay, LOL) and knew I was going to marry him. This, despite being in a relationship with another guy and resolving to NEVER get married. It took a couple of months, but I eventually ditched the other guy and we've been together ever since, married for 14 years, and in love for 17.

That said, knowing right away is pretty overrated when the bad times hit, and they do hit, eventually. The initial passion is long gone, replaced by genuine admiration and respect for my amazing man; coping with me for almost 2 decades really should be recognized by the Congressional Medal of Honor, or similar.

ETA: the link to your book at Samhain doesn't work. I get a 404 error. I'd really like to check out the book!

Margaret

Yup, I've been in love. It's rather delightful actually, then you're not in love anymore and it's like someone stuck your head under water.

It's always a wild ride but if you can hold fast at the end of the day, it's worth it!

Yeah, I've been in love, but I think it's very different to the sort of long term love that you still feel after donkey's years of marriage and after weathering all sorts of emotional slings and arrows of outrageous fortune!

The former is intoxicating like champagne and makes you giddy, but the latter is sweet and comforting and makes you smile on a dark, difficult day.

Aw, love. I've been married 13 years and I'm still not sure what it is. Sometimes I think my love of romance novels has actually kept me from experiencing what we think real love should be. Books end with a HEA. Life doesn't. The thing to do is think about how you feel at the moment. Have you ever been in love if only for a day?

I've been in love I think people can be in love with the idea of being in love. I've been married for almost 22 years and I'll be 43 this year. I'm not the same person I was at almost 21 as I am now. I think we all change as we grow. I still love my husband but our relationship has changed and evolved and sometimes we take each other for granite. I don't think you can be too picky so hang in there I do believe there is atleast one person out there for you.

I adore my husband, and romance novels didn't spoil anything for me, I promise. See, before he came along, I read the stories, but didn't believe "those kinds of things were real". My husband is Alpha enough to prevent me from walking all over him--without making me feel like some sort of second class citizen like my ex did. He is my very best friend, and we invest a lot of time into making sure that we are both growing as people and as a couple. And, oh yeah, the sex is amazing. :)

I couldn't stand my husband when I first met him. Thirteen yeas later, we started living together and we have been married for 18 years.

Hiya Shelli and all here at the Cigar,

I've had that love thing hit me twice. The first time, I was young, inexperienced and head over heels in love with who I thought my ex-husband WAS. Not to say he didn't have some great attributes, but we grew up in decidely different directions. Our parting was a shock to him, but he already had a Mother - and I was tired of raising 3. :D

The second time I fell for that love bug, I fell HARD. It was true, for me anyway, what I've heard folks say about LOVE finding you when you're not looking for it. As part of an online community, I met my Mate while helping him (long distance via email) with the message boards for a TV program we both enjoyed. My handle back then was much more 'generic' (read: male) and he had it in his head that I was a guy. See, the message boards were full of other ladies at the time, so he thought he'd found another guy to chat with that was not all goo-goo eyed over one of the show's characters. WRONG, about the guy thing that is.. thought I was not as goo-goo as some of them.

Long story short(er) we talked about loads of things, via email, then instant message and finally via phone. It was 4 months into the 'relationship' when we realized it had become something much more than friendship or even flirting. At 10 months we met for the first time and after 3 years he moved from the east coast to the rain and coffee capital of the NW so we could be together.

It's never too late, but be prepared for the Love Bug to step up and smack you when you're LEAST suspecting it.

Hey Shelli, I love your blogs, they are always soooo interesting!

I think that the lightning strike we write about and dream about may not exist, it can be love, but more than likely, it's that lust/crush thing. Let me start out by saying I've been happily married for 31 years to the same guy and I love him dearly and truely. He's my best friend and my partner in all things. But I have to say, I never 'fell in love' with him. I liked and respected him when we first met, and yes, there was that spark of lust, but not as violent as some others. As I came to know him better, my feelings for him grew stronger. I think long-term love is made up of troubles shared, respect, and similar values/goals. In the long ago past, I had crushes on totally unreliable turkeys that made my heart pound and sing.....but I always knew they were only for fun. I'm not really sure that the love I know could come in a flash. I really believe it grows with trust and troubles overcome, of arguments and apologies and acceptance of who the person REALLY is, not who we want them to be. In fact, today is our 31st wedding anniversary and my sweetie is taking me out to dinner to celebrate tonight. I think love is something you have to work at to make happen.

Judy W