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Sex Defection . . .

Karen Kendall's picture
Submitted by Karen Kendall on Wed, 2007-03-28 22:13.

So I've been reading everyone else's posts with great interest, and one of the ones that got me thinking was Sam's post from a couple of days ago, on whether readers are disappointed or not when sex is excluded from a romance.

I've actually been wondering the same thing, because after writing 14 books with sex in them, I finally wrote FIT TO BE TIED . . . and closed the bedroom door (sorry, Sam! LOL.)

It wasn't that I was sick of writing sex, though. It's just that this was a very different kind of book for me, one that started life as a chick lit book and, I think, toys a little with women's fiction. It's still a romance in the end, but an unusual one, to say the least!

Because the main characters have just gotten engaged after two years of dating, because they actually get married in the first few chapters of the book, I felt very, very odd about writing graphic sex between them.

There wasn't the typical cute/hot first meet scene, because all of that is in the past. There wasn't the anticipation of whether or not they would get together--since they're already there. I also wanted to focus on the doubt growing in the heroine's mind and not the hero's prowess in bed . . .

I'm not sure why, but because they'd been together for a long time, it felt voyeuristic to me to desccribe their intimacy. So I closed the bedroom door, and I do hope that readers aren't disappointed.

If they are, then I'll chalk it up to experience--every book an author writes is to some degree an experiment, and some of them backfire!

My current manuscript will revert to the normal KK open-bedroom-door policy, LOL. But then, the characters aren't married.

So what do you guys think? Would it make you uncomfortable to read intimate sex between a married couple who's done it all before? Or would hot sex between this couple be inspiring?

Ducking back down my deadline hole, Karen

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I'm glad to see this discussion extended, actually...

Submitted by Samantha Hunter on Wed, 2007-03-28 22:30.

I really like your example and reasoning, Karen, and I think what emerged down on my thread was that no one really minded a book without sex as long as we weren't led to expect it in the first place, you know, the "hot hot hot -- not" kind of thing... so I guess that's the crux of the issue.

I find it really interesting that you didn't want to show your character's intimacy because they were married -- I've read a couple Blaze with married couples, Jeannie London's, and they were wonderful, I think because for those of us in monogamous relationships for a while, it's fun to read the "re-spicing it up" plot, but that doesn't sound like the agenda of your book. You have to be true to your vision, first and foremost.

You've made me curious, tho.

But I think what's equally important is that not all writers give into some invisible pressure to write sex -- there's a buzz it seems, that everything has to be hot, and I don't really think that it does, or, that there are different ways of delivering "hot." A writer shouldn't feel bad or guilty about not including sex in their books, LOL -- that seems crazy to me -- but they also need to be in touch with how they lead readers along, and keep promises.

I imagine you protected your characters' intimacy skillfully, since you obviously had good reason for doing so...

Sam

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Sorry to piggyback on your post Sam

Submitted by DawnPeit on Thu, 2007-03-29 20:12.
Sorry for being a piggy, but for some reason the box to post a comment has disappeared on me??? Anyway, I'm all for sex between the hitched. I agree with what Sam mentioned about leading readers along and keeping promises. I wouldn't be disappointed if a book didn't have sex in it just so long as I wasn't lead to believe that there was. Vice Versa, if I'm told or expecting it, then by golly I want it! lol. It doesn't matter about the status of the relationship. Dawn
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Sex or Not

Submitted by goddessani on Wed, 2007-03-28 22:52.
Karen: Your book Fit to Be Tied is on my TBR. After this discussion, I'm moving it up! I would, personally, like to read about some hot sex between a married couple. Too often, I wonder what happens next? Most romances are about a couple that has just met and everything is young and new and exciting. Are they able to sustain that after they wed or do they fall into the same cycle many of us do with too little time, too much to do, and (sometimes) sex taking a back seat? Sam, if you have any titles to recommend I'd love to find those books. Now that I'm of a "certain age" (what age is that anyway?), I find I have more time and my husband and I are reexploring sex so life is good. What is bad is that we ever went through that period where it wasn't. ani
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ani

Submitted by Samantha Hunter on Wed, 2007-03-28 23:00.

Check out Pillow Chase and If You Could Read My Mind by Jeanie London... hey, I haven't tried to hit her up for a guest blog -- I should do that...she's amazing.

It's true, life gets in the way of sex far too often, though like with everything else, it tends to go in cycles -- I think it's good to rediscover sex at different points, to get reacquainted, and I think it's also good to also know you have a relationship without it, or that you can survive periods of stress and come through okay.

Sam

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lol Sam

Submitted by Mads on Thu, 2007-03-29 08:09.
I read If You Could Read My Mind. It was very different but a good read. The things the husband tried, to spice up their sex life, was very entertaining. I loved the black leather and the motorcycle scene. I won't tell any more in case Ani wants to read the book but, I'd love to see Jeanie London as a guest on this blog. Mads:)
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Hi Karen

Submitted by Mads on Thu, 2007-03-29 08:44.
Reading about sex between a married couple wouldn't bother me. It would be kind of different than the typical unattached couples sex scenes. I have now read several of your books and I love your writing style. If I really like a writer then, I'll read their books, reguardless of the sex scenes or lack of sex scenes. Married couples or not, it's the content of the story that keeps me reading a book. I ordered Fit to be Tied and hopefully will have it this week. I'm looking foward to reading it. Mads:)
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Hi, Mads, Ani and Sam!

Submitted by Karen Kendall on Thu, 2007-03-29 18:25.

Hi, Mads, Ani and Sam!

Okay, so it looks like I may be experimenting with some married-couple sex in upcoming books . It'll probably be a great creative exercise . . . no pun intended.

I'll have to check out the Blazes and the other books you guys are talking about.

Mads, hope your contest prize got to you! Back to the manuscript, Karen

Karen Kendall
FIT TO BE TIED, March '07
MEN AT WORK, July '07
AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER, October '07
www.KarenKendall.com

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Married-people-sex?

Submitted by Cynthia Reese on Fri, 2007-03-30 18:44.
Isn't that an oxymoron? ;-) Just kidding! It's great that you listened to your characters and let them decide. Different characters demand different things -- and the level of physical intimacy they're willing to reveal is a big part of that. I've written two novels, one sold, one not yet sold, about married couples. The tricky part of "married couple" romance novels is that ... well, if there's conflict between married or established couples(and of course there is conflict -- what's a romance novel without conflict), physical intimacy takes a hit. I swore after writing two "married couple" novels, "Nevermore!" But, dagnabbit, I LIKE stories about couples who have a history, have an emotional investment. Can't wait to read yours!
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Title(s) please

Submitted by goddessani on Mon, 2007-04-02 19:33.
I'd love to know the titles so I can look for your novels. Thanks! ani
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Hi Karen

Submitted by Mads on Sun, 2007-04-01 04:56.
The wonderful chocolates came last week. I tried to send you a thank you email but, it got bounced back. I guess I'll just have to send my thanks to you here. Thank you so much. Your new book just arrived and I'm enjoying the chocolates and your book. Talk about having a good night. Chocolates and a good book, sheer extacy. Many thanks. Mads:)
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