I have been married for ten years and have three kids. Sometimes we lose ourselves in the rush of life. We all have our responsiblities and sometimes at the end of the day you are just to tired or preoccupied to connect with that other person. Luckily for me my kids are getting older and don't need me for the little things. That helps give my husband and I more time to reconnect. For me it is the simple fact of spending time with each other that brings a feeling of closeness. We have a lot of work to still do to get us back to puppy dog in love feeling, but we talk about and know where each other is coming from. The insight of his feelings helps me to be that wife that he wants and needs. The bottom line is that I love him with all of my heart and that is what will keep me going and working through the toughest of times. I see alot of couples out there that are still all over each over like they were in the homeymoon stage. I hope to someday get that back with my husband.

Hi!

Judy and I are so excited to be here today. This is such a dynamic blog, with so much activity, and we are truly honored to be a part of it.

Let us know if any of you have any questions about our book, or what it was like writing a Complete Idiot's Guide, or anything else for that matter.

Thanks!

- Rachel

Dear Five By Five,

What you said is so profound, and it is actually in keeping with several of the big themes in our book.

As you point out, reconnecting (both emotionally and physically) with your partner requires time, effort and attention. But is it ever worth while. Recapturing the sense of "puppy love" may not be totally possible (or even totally desirable) for a couple who has been together many years, who have built a life together, had children together, etc.

But I'd argue that what couples have at the later stages of their relationship can be much richer and deeper than what they had at the very beginning "honeymoon" stage. As fun and as intense as the honeymoon stage is, it cannot usually be sustained, or the two lovers would simply keel over from sheer exhaustion!

Thank you so much, Five by Five for your lovely, thoughtful comment!

- Rachel

It's very cool to have you here -- love the topic!

As you can see, many of us write hotter romance and erotica, and I think that puts us squarely in the crossfire of sex and relationships -- people ask us about our sex lives all the time (amazing that they think that's okay! LOL), but I often think about how our books provide a little spark for others. :) I'm always gratified to know that there's openess for sexy books for women out there, and that women can enjoy their sexual natures both in life and in fiction, and I really love it when someone tells me that my books gave them a little spark, whether they read out loud together, or whatnot. Not that I care to know the details, LOL, but it's a great thing to have these books on the shelves, yours and ours, and getting sex out of the background.

Still, sometimes I think too much emphasis is on sex, both in fiction and life. Sex is great, gotta love it, but it's not what will get you through the long haul -- and yet it seems like the culture is going the other direction, as is much fiction, TV, etc focusing on only sex, and not the strong emotional contexts around it. It drives me crazy when I keep seeing these TV show interviews and such about "how many times a week" is good or bad. I hate the quantification.

I've been married for 11 years, and with my husband for 14, and I don't wish our sex life was like it was at the beginning, because frankly, while it was more wild then, it's better now because of the emotional foundation, the relationship we've built over the years. That's all I'll share, or he'll be giving me "the look" later, LOL. For all the teasing we romance writers take over our sex lives, I think most of us are very protective and don't share our personal business in our books, which is something we often have to get readers to understand, LOL.

Sam

Because honest to goodness, what's kept our love life creative and vibrant over time is just "doing it" even when we didn't feel like it. I never regret having had sex afterwards, as much as I may think before, "I really just want to sit and knit for an hour".

Yes, indeed, sex is better than knitting, but sometimes the body isn't so willing, LOL. The greater connection that comes from reconnecting in such an intimate way is well worth it. A casual attitude about it reduces stress for us both, too, because it doesn't have to be sexy or romantic, it just has to happen. Sometimes it is sexy and romantic...but that's like Ghiradelli Caramel Squares vs M&Ms.

Use it or lose it. It's not sexy or creative, but with jobs and a 3 year old and everything else, I'm a big believer in "just do it".

Margaret

My interest in writing steamy stories, such as Blaze, has GREATLY improved my sexual relationship with my husband. In fact, I strongly disagreed with the first couple of questions in the quiz, because I wouldn't go back to those early days together for anything! They weren't horrible, but I've come along way since we first started dating, most notably when I started writing again (took some time off to have babies). My husband will often comment now, "Wow, you're writing sex again, huh?" :) Or if an interesting technique should make its way into our bed, he's asked several times if I'd learned that trick from "one of those smutty books" I read. :) So, reading and writing steamy stories isn't just fun for me--my husband definitely reaps the benefits as well.

I saw Sam's post over on eHarlequin and it picqued my interest to come 'peek'.

I've been with my fiance' for almost 11 years and he's very sexual, however he sometimes lacks the emotional part that I so want. I mean, I know sex is sex, but I'm not 18 anymore, I want "more" than Wham-Bam thank you ma'am. And in his defense, it can be very frustrating for him, because I've had a complete hysterectomy and it changed everything. He's willing to take the time, but when he finds one thing that works, he sticks to it and it's boring, especially since he stops making the effort, if that makes sense.

Body image, I was nodding my head. After three kids, I've changed, but he has a high metabolism and he's sexy as hell. I'm not so comfortable in my skin anymore, but I'm sure everyone goes through this.

Perhaps all I need is some women's viagra. *grin*

Thanks for doing this and thanks Sam for suggesting we stop over.

This is a great quiz! Is it included in the book? What a way to start off. I think you know by now that I support this book wholeheartedly because as a woman who has been in a long-term relationship, I know the importance of keeping the love alive. My husband and I always joke that we're too tired to think about straying, but that doesn't always mean it can't happen under a unique set of circumstances if one or the other is unsatisfied with the way things are. That's why I feel your book is so important. It helps couples to make sure there is no reason to stray.

I think you also know by now that I'm not shy about this subject, so I'll just dive right in here. My husband and I dated for 11 years before we got married, so this year we will have been together for 19 years. And to be honest, the sex has only gotten better as time has gone on because we have lost all those fears and insecurities that new couples deal with. What has helped us to keep the love alive is that we aren't afraid to tell each other what we enjoy most or if what the person is doing isn't accomplishing much.

And getting back to the whole being tired issue, there are just days, whether you feel like it or not, that you have sex to make sure you maintain that closeness with your partner. When I'm not really in the mood, then I take out the scented bubble bath and slather on body lotion to help that along. Anything vanilla scented is very erotic to me, so I keep vanilla scented perfumes, lotions, and soaps around to make sure that I can always capture the moment when I want to.

Best of luck with the rest of the tour.

Cheryl

Haha..now this is crazy...I scored almost perfect...but what if...what if...the one who you are with drives you absolutely nuts???? He wants it so the drive is there for him, but I'm tooooo busy!!!!!

Haha...this was a fun quiz. Thanks, Samantha, for hosting the girls. This was a lot of fun!

There are something that you have to know how to do to do well. The only thing I want back from my 18th year is my figure. So, despite the constant interruption of the twins, I have to admit, we don't have much to complain about in that way. But I will say, things got so much better as we got older and after the kids. If a man loves you after he's seen you push a kid out of his favorite playground, it leads you to think maybe you can relax around him a lot more. And that leads to a richer intimate life.

Now to just get the kids to sleep better!
Dee