Job Hazard
Yesterday a student interrupted my lesson to ask me if I was pregnant. I’m not, although one of my friends once told me if anyone was going to get pregnant later in life, it would be me. My husband would shoot himself, but hey, he was the guy against the big V… but I digress. My point is that a comment such as this is typical in my line of work. I teach junior high. Dum da dum dum
Unfortunately, kids are not born with manners and when adolescent hormonal activity, general authority defiance, and a smattering of honest-to-goodness innocence are factored in… well, I probably don’t need to explain further. So every now and then I get asked if I’m pregnant by a student happily oblivious to the fact that a lesser woman would either melt into the floor or smack him a good one.
I’ve been asked if my husband was the one who’d given me my (expensive salon) haircut. I’ve been asked if I’d purchased one of my favorite necklaces at the dollar store. I’ve had kids laugh at my new shoes, tell me that my bra shows, ask me if I was aware that my fly was unzipped (I appreciated that one), tell me that I had tweakers, and ask me what that “thing” was on my face (I don’t even want to go into that one, lol).
But on the other hand, I’ve had kids gape in amazement when I told them how old I was. You can’t be that old. That’s older than my mom. Who’s 33. (Bless you, child.) Or that I was the only teacher cool enough to sag. (It was an accident. I’d lost some weight and my pants were too big. You know how they grow sometimes as the day goes on? They grew.)
The thing is, when you teach junior high, you have to grow a thick skin, or someday your principal will find you curled up into the fetal position with two fingers in your mouth whimpering Make them stooooop. So, I consider my first career—teaching—as serious preparation for my second—that of being an author. Both careers involve hanging yourself out there and setting yourself up for potshots. I mean, when I teach, it’s me. When I write, it’s me. I’m pouring my heart into my story. So when a reviewer or a reader gives me their opinion and points out perceived problem areas, I think I’ll be able to take it, thanks to a couple of decades of eighth graders. That’s the plan anyway.
So to all the kids who (innocently or maliciously) asked me if I’d recently gained weight, dyed my hair to hide the gray, or was aware that I had a pimple on my chin…thank you, thank you. You’re the best.
out of the mouths of babes
LOL Oh, Jeannie, I needed that! What a hoot! Yes, definitely need a thick skin. Moms do, too. Since my kids are heading into that junior high stage, I've learned nothing is sacred--including their mother. *sigh*
Great post. Thanks for the laugh.
Kay
Kay Stockham
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Thanks, Jeannie!
Jeannie, as the mother of a 5th grader and an 8th grader, I so appreciated your post! My younger daughter used to get so excited when there was an infomercial on television about losing weight or toning your body..."Mom, mom, come quick!! That's what you need! I wrote down the 1-800 number for you!" Um, thanks.
When my husband and I first returned from five years overseas and he was looking for a new job, he did substitute teaching at the local middle school (7th and 8th grade) and came away convinced that you need a black belt in karate and a frontal lobotomy to spend an entire day with those kids. Of course, that was fourteen years ago, and now he HAS one of those kids, LOL!
Ah, Jeannie...
You had me spitting coffee.
I taught older kids, and only had the chance to teach a middle school study skills class once, for extra cash, when I was a grad student -- it was hell. Unadulterated hell.
I think you'll find reviews a breeze, especially since your books are amazing. ;)
Sam
Thank you, too
Thanks for the comments, Kay, Karen and Sam! Adolescence is an amazing time. The kids can be so sweet, so fun, so candid, so down right mean. I guess it's what toughens us up for real life, and then later on, when we have adolescents of our own, reminds us of how glad we are that we lived through it.
Most egregious offense in my class...
Jeannie...you covered just about every tactless comment I've ever heard uttered in my own classroom! One day, a sophomore informed me I had a bite. I had to ask what that was? Now I know! Too funny!!
My personal favorite came from my premarried days...I was dating the agriculture teacher in a small school/small town. If we left the house, we were seen by SOMEONE...even if we went out of town... So you can imagine the kinds of things we BOTH heard... The worst was offered by a guy who had a class with each of us. In the middle of a discussion on Oedipus Rex, Russell asked me, "Hey, Miss Evans, is Mr. Powell PWed?" The kids went crazy with laughter. Since I didn't know what PW meant, I ignored the question, opting for a pop quiz instead. Revenge is sweet...
When I learned that PW meant p*ssy whipped, I nearly fainted from mortification, but lived to fight another day. Kids do say the darndest things!
Ronda--Laughing out loud at
Ronda--Laughing out loud at PW. Isn't it good that sometimes we don't know what the slang means? I've also pulled the icy stare as I've thought What on earth does that mean? Stay cool. Stay cool.
Jeannie... One thing is for
Jeannie...
One thing is for sure, after the comments and constant corrections from the kiddies, an R or feedback or reviews that are less than flattering will seem quite pale in comparison!! Thick skinned indeed!!
You are soooo right! :)
You are soooo right!
:) Jeannie
I love that your junior high
I love that your junior high students have prepared you for comments from readers/reviewers..thats great:) I have a first grader and a preschooler and look forward to the day they learn to controll what thoughts come out their mouth......nothing like going to sit in one of those little chairs in the children's section of the library and hear you son yell at the top of his lungs "Don't sit there mommy.... your butt is too big!!!"
Thanks for the laugh,
Kendra
Kendra
Oh my gosh, I spewed coffee when I read your post--I forgot just how candid the little guys can be. :)
Kendra, Your child and mine
Kendra,
Your child and mine could be twins! How refreshing it is to know that he will let me and the world around know if my panty hose have a run, my hair is mussed, or I look fat in this outfit.
Tact is definitely a skill that has to be learned, and as Jeannie has shown us, it's not mastered by junior high!!
Jeannie - Been there done
Jeannie - Been there done that. And unfortunately they don't improve much in HS. I learned very quickly to give students that icy stare and change the subject. They can also be such a delight to teach (or at least the ones I had were.) I really believe that I could count on one hand those students who I absolutely could find no redeeming features in.
And the greatest feeling in the world is when a particularly obnoxious student stands in front of you at the end of the year or years later and says Thank You.
Ellen
I do tend to like the sassier kids, but I try not to encourage them. And you're so right about that greatest feeling. What's even better is when they call you about their own child and say, "What do I do with him?" lol.
Jeannie
LOL!!
Thanks for the great post, Jeannie! You're a hoot! Or maybe they're a hoot, and you're the best! So true that one must be thick-skinned when it comes to kids. There isn't a whole lot of self-censorship going on--sometimes good, and sometimes not so good! What's a couple of reviewers in comparison? Just the wind going by ;)
Your post took me back to my
Your post took me back to my child-rearing days. A child just opens their mouth and questions roll out.
You're right
Fedora--You're right about the self-censorship. It takes a few societal/peer slap-backs before young adults learn to think before they open their mouths. Some of the things they say are so funny, though.
Estella--And aren't some of those questions amazing? The thing I do like about all this is that it keeps a person on their toes.
Actually...
some of us could still use a little practice at self-censoring ;) (I've done more than my fair share of eating my shoelaces!) I just also wanted to say THANK YOU for teaching and for being a grown-up for these kids to learn from--teachers are the best!
Awww, Fedora...thanks.
Awww, Fedora...thanks.
Jeanie...
You're officially going on my funniest people I know, list.
Dee,
Coming from a witty writer such as yourself, that's quite a compliment! Thank you!
Better you than me...
Actually, I was thinking how brave you are for teaching Junior High. What an evil time in life. Things are changing and moving and they make you go to school with other people. I would have happily been home schooled during those years. Don't know how you do it. Hooray for you and attempting to mold their young minds!
Thanks!
I was a challenging student myself in junior high--more interested in my social life than in academics--but a few teachers broke through the barriers and convinced me that I should use my talents for the forces of good. That was what inspired me to become a teacher. I still wonder why I picked junior high, but maybe it's like the wands in Harry Potter--maybe the grade picks the teacher :-)
Stop!!
You guys are killing me...I had to wipe away tears before I could see to post a comment. What the h@$$ is a 'bite' or a 'tweaker'? I almost had to change underwear with the PW reference. I could actually see myself up there faking it with the best of you guys!
Your hilarious post just made my day! I don't feel like such a loser now. I have boys...5 and 13. I'm getting it from both age groups. *sigh* Nothing like getting up everyday and wondering what the day will bring.
Our phone number must've been sold to a tele-marketing company. I've been bombarded all day with computer generated sales calls and I'm a bit frustrated. With dh where he is...I have to answer all calls that say unknown or unidentified caller. Thank You!! I needed a good belly laugh!
Chelle,
Good to see you and glad that you see the funny side of teaching. There really are some golden moments. You do have the best of both worlds with the 5 and 13 year olds. I've found that 23 is a good age (my daughter just hit 23) so when you have the 15 year old, you'll have a 23 year old to help you talk sense into him. It'll be a blessing, trust me!
I've gotten the weird telecalls, too, today. Hugs on having to answer every call. One day soon, though, you and Mr. Chelle can flat out ignore that phone!
Jeannie
Jeanne
Great post, Jeanne, and kudos to you teaching for the right reasons. I agree on the good age -- eldest son turns 23 this year and, wow, he's a grown up. Finally!
Omigosh, I guffawed at this!
Omigosh, I guffawed at this! Thank goodness I'm not a teacher. I get enough stares/questions from strangers as it is...
LOL!
M
Read in bed!
www.meganhart.com
Oh, what a great way to
Oh, what a great way to start the day - laughing!! I don't miss junior high and we don't have kiddos of our own yet. But the day will come.. :-) And I have to confess, I don't know what a 'bite' or 'tweaker' is either! I didn't know PW, either, so thank you for defining that one. LOL - some days it feels pretty darn good to be naive!
Thanks for the laugh
Any Mom with teenage sons, can relate to your post. I imagine that it's almost like being in your classroom. The only difference is that, you get to go home and get away from them. When you have teenage sons, and they invite their many friends over to stay the night, there is no escape.
This year, so far, has started off with many laughs and good times here on Cigars. Thank you for adding to the laughs and good times. That is just one of the reasons that we all keep coming back for more. Mads:)