Happy St. Patrick's Day, Swimsuit Insults and a Give Away!
Happy St. Patrick’s Day! This is my favorite holiday and I have nary a clue as to why. Maybe because it’s just a feel good day. A day we celebrate even if we are not Irish. I’m a bit Irish. My great-great grandmother was from Northern Ireland. I believe my great-great grandfather must have a been a Scot, because of the Watt factor, but I just don’t know, because there are Watts in Ireland, and I just don’t care. I’m Irish enough to love St. Paddy’s Day.
Every year I run a 10K in honor of St. Patrick’s Day. This year it was a 5K, due to construction, and thank goodness. I was outrun by a lady wearing a shamrock suit, which as you can imagine, is not all that aerodynamic (which apparently means that I am less aerodynamic than a shamrock suit…think about it….). I would hang my head in shame, but I’m too sore, so I’ll hang it in shame tomorrow. Which brings up the non-St. Paddy’s Day part of my post. The part where I’ll happily give away a book from my back list (all three books to choose from….) to a registered Cigars member who posts this week. So here we go…
This weekend I did that thing that most women “of an age” dread more than anything. No, not the yearly visit to the GYN, not tax time, not the call from a child saying, “I only get one phone call. “ No. I’m talking swimsuit purchase.
I had to buy a new swimsuit because the elastic on my trusty seven year old suit finally gave way and my suit resembled more of a saggy romper than a piece of swim wear. Actually, I lucked out. I only tried on five suits of varying shapes and sizes before I found one that worked, so I quickly bought it, thus saving myself from the agony of being mocked by Lycra several more times. How can something that looks so benign on a hanger morph into something so evil when placed upon flesh? It’s a mystery.
Anyway, once I got home, I took the time to read the tag on the suit in which I had looked so good, and imagine my surprise when I found out it was all an illusion. I didn’t look good at all. It was the suit. The tag went on and on about how this suit was specially engineered to be structurally sound at all the stress points, made of special fabric that distorted human perception so that anyone wearing it would look fantastic to the average spectator (without the person looking at you having to wear special goggles) and that it was guaranteed for a stress load of 200 psi…well, you get the picture. And then the tag ended with “You still have it and we’re going to help you show it off.”
I may have exaggerated slightly on the first part of the tag’s dissertation, but the latter part is an exact quote. I think I’ve been insulted by my swimming suit. Do I need reassurance from a tag that I “still have it”? If I don’t believe I still have it, then why am I climbing into a piece of Lycra in the first place? If I don’t believe I still have it, am I going to believe it because a tag tells me I still have it? I don’t think so. I can see where the tag author was going with this, but, hey. Come on.
Upon reflection, I assume this is simply a clever marketing ploy by someone desperate to sell swimwear in a saturated market. It really is a nice suit, but it rankles me to be condescendingly reassured that any problem I have will be handled by a tummy panel. I happen to know that “it” may be helped out by a flat stomach and breasts in the proper locale, however, the biggest part of having “it” is in a person’s head. If you don’t have “it” there, then no amount of spandex is going to give you “it”.
So my question is, have you ever been insulted by your clothing? No. Just kidding, although if you have been, please post about it. It would be great to hear other people’s experiences in this area. Actually, to qualify for the book drawing (little hint—I always pick two winners) just post about swim suits, swim suit purchases, why we shouldn’t allow ourselves to be terrorized by Lycra and why we should be happy with ourselves as we are. Also, if you have any experiences being outrun by people in costumes of any kind, you can include that, too.
I didn't need to be reminded...
that I need to buy a swimsuit. Actually, I cheat. I have a long torso (and a big bust) so, one-piece suits rarely fit. I buy an exercise top and men's swim trunks. They have pockets! I think swimsuits are a bit sexist. Women carry fat in their legs, men rarely do. Why would women have suits that accentuate the chub on the legs and men get to cover theirs??? Okay, I don't think swimsuits are a vehicle to keep women 'in their place'. Fashion irks me on occasion. Didn't know I was this grouchy. :-P
Sorry, ThatBrunette ;) ...I
Sorry, ThatBrunette ;) ...I didn't really mean to ruin your day by reminding you of a pending swimsuit purchase. I also wear shorts and a top when I'm doing anything that involves a lot of movement. My new swim suit is for sitting in a chair next to the pool watching people. I usually wear a sarong thing, too. I agree--why do women have to show their legs?
LOL Great post, Jeannie. I
LOL Great post, Jeannie. I have to face the swimsuit issue soon. ACK! I've been dieting (WW) and have lost weight, but the whole cellulite thing? OMG How do you get rid of THAT? At this point I think I'll be buying a wet suit so I'll be covered from head to toe.
Insulted by clothing? Don't get me started. For years I wore the wrong style of clothing and looked horrible in it. Then I started watching What Not To Wear and realized I was going about it all wrong. Swimsuits on the other hand, those are just evil.
Kay
Kay Stockham
Another Man's Baby, Harlequin Superromance - Available Now!!!
www.kaystockham.com
Ooh, Kay--I'm a huge What
Ooh, Kay--I'm a huge What Not To Wear fan and I have learned soooo much. Like to get rid of my ice cream cone shaped pants and to purge all my 80's wear even if I can fit into it. Kind of. I miss higher waists, though, because low waists are not flattering to me. Cellulite...okay, even when I'm at my target weight, I still have it. It's a skin thing--people who have tight skin suffer during pregnancy, but don't show as much big C in their legs usually. I don't know what to do other than drink lots of water and wear a sarong at the beach--like I do.
I stay away from swimsuits
I stay away from swimsuits because I don't swim and if I go in the water its involuntary. Yes I live near a beach but I'm not putting on a swimsuit and playing in the water with a bunch of teenagers looking on making fun of the fat woman. My question: why would anyone want to run in a shamrock suit????
Ellen,
Why would someone run in a shamrock suit? Apparently to humble some of the other racers...:) You are so lucky to live on a beach. I can't think of anything that can't be done on a beach in capris or shorts and a comfy top, you know? No swimsuit required.
Swimsuits - blech
My swimsuit bottoms are boy shorts. They cover some of the cellulite, but have a tendency to ride up in the...um...front area. The only tan I get nowadays is from mowing the grass - nothing like tan lines from socks! And I'm still trying to picture the running shamrock - perhaps someone started early with the green beer?
Lol, Marcie, it would have
Lol, Marcie, it would have been really early. We ran at 8:30 a.m. I'm going to run a race in San Francisco in May where many people dress in costumes and a renegade splinter faction runs nude! This should be interesting. I'm wearing capris. And hey--nothing wrong with a nice sock tan line.
I've been outrun by a costume...
...while wearing a costume! Each year in December, I do a 5K race (Jingle Bell Run/Walk) that raises money for Arthritis research. Part of the festivities is a costume contest. Now, I am *NOT* a runner, so even though I make sure my costume is as aerodynamic as I am, I am still beaten by many a Santa Claus and his elves.
As for swimsuits...well, I have the opposite issue of one responder...but ultimately the same problem! I am very short waisted, so one pieces never fit. They always fall off on top. NOT a fun thing, let me tell you. Last year, I bought a two piece (you can buy each part in a different size!) on clearance over the internet, thus saving the horror of trying on multiple pieces of lycra in the awful fitting rooms. It mostly fits. And since the extent of my swim suit wearing is reserved for the occasional pool at the occasional hotel, it is good enough for me. I don't think it had any tags insulting me. :-)
Great post, Cathy! Beaten
Great post, Cathy! Beaten by Santa--that may be my next endeavor. The event sounds like a great cause.
I think the tankini suit are most excellent for those of us with waist length problems. I'm sure if I bought off the internet, I'd live to rue the day. I can see many, many returns. I'd probably make the UPS man dizzy, lol.
Two words: Lands End
Love Lands End catalogs and swimsuits -- they seriously solved every bathing suit shopping problem I ever had. And they aren't wildly expensive -- I found a very nice tank last year for $40, and may get another one this year because I like their patterns.
I'm pretty un-self-conscious when it comes to summer wear, unless I was standing next to some kind of beauty queen or something, but then I'd just knock her in the pool or whatnot. *G* I feel better in summer clothes, less bulky, so in spite of the cellulite, extra weight, I find I just don't care. LOL If I'm comfortable and look halfway decent, I'm good. I think it's because I am so damned happy to see summer, it's all that matters to me.
I do need some color though -- the one thing that does bother me is the pasty winter white I am stuck with until I get out in the garden for a few weeks. Last year we went to FL at the start of June and I'd love to go down again just for 2-3 days so I could be less white before 4th of July, but it's not going to happen, so I guess it will be just getting out around here. Right now I feel doughboy-white all over.
Funny tag, Jeannie. I don't think I've been insulted by clothing, but maybe -- or the "Warnings" you know, like the ones that tell you not to plug your iron in by the bathtub...
S
I will look into Land's End.
I will look into Land's End. We have an Land's End in Sears, so maybe I'll see if there's anything in stock I can (gasp) try on.
Pasty doesn't bother me as much as it once did. Must be because fewer people are purposely tanning for health reasons, so I don't feel so undercolored. My husband and I can lay out, side by side. He turns golden brown and I turn a slightly darker shade of beige. Thank goodness I know it's not good for me now, lol. Tanning does make me feel skinnier, though. I wonder why?
I always knew
that my clothes mocked me but I thought it was behind my back. I've never had one be so in your face about it before!
And being on a swimsuit with all the angst attached to buying one anyway, makes it all seem worse.
I don't run, my only swimsuit is a hand me down from my mother (she gave it to me so I could sit in my FIL's hot tub a couple of springs ago but it was broken), I'm not sure what else I can add to this conversation. LOL
Lol, goddessani! I believe
Lol, goddessani! I believe all my clothing has mocked me at some time or another. Mine usually did it to my face--or rather to the mirror, though.
Don't get me started
Egad. Swimsuit season. Didn't I just mention that I was having a chubby moment? Well, in truth, it's more of a chubby year. Since having the baby I'm two sizes bigger than I usually am and although I'm tall and can carry the weight better than something who is height-challenged ;-) I still don't like the way I feel. So the thought of squeezing my oversized bod into ANYTHING with lycra is enough to send me running in the other direction. Thankfully, I don't live anywhere near the beach and we don't personally own a pool so the odds me getting near water anytime soon...are small. :-)
Also, I've totally fallen off my treadmill wagon. It's been two weeks. I've lost my mojo. Jeannie, help me find it again!!
Kim--You're preaching to the
Kim--You're preaching to the choir. My husband weighs four pounds more than me now. Yoiks! I'm not huge, but I'm larger than I was and I hate it. So, I'm going to tell you what I'm telling myself. The only thing to do is to crawl back onto the wagon and hang on. By the way--I find it helps to tell myself I'll only do five mintues (because even five has got to help) and then usually I go longer. But, if I don't feel like it, I quit after five. The important thing is keeping up the habit.
Rooting for you, Kim. Get back on that treadmill!
Swimsuits
I hate trying clothes on and especially swimsuits because you never know how something is going to look on you and that makes it scary. I have learned to be patient and willing to try many things on knowing that I am probably only going to like the way a few of them fit.
Huh
I was just thinking, after taking a shower, that I dress in front of a mirror, and so I am too familiar with seeing all the things I don't like to see on a daily basis that I'm happy to have even 50% of them covered up in a bathing suit, which usually smooths things out, too! LOL
I guess that's the bright side... right?
Weirdly, I found that covering up more isn't always better. I tried one of those "shorts" suits to cover up the upper thigh, and nice in theory, if you actually don't go in the water -- the shorts float up and they're ridiculous, like pantaloons up around your hips, and for kayaking, etc they were impossible. But I think it just didn't look right, either. Too wide. Like sometimes even if you are larger, baggy clothes look worse than fitted ones.
Kim, I'm having that kind of day, too -- I ate too much in Boston in spite of the walking and stair-climbing. Back to the normal routine today. I hate that bloated feeling... Hang in there, it will go.
Sam
Sam,
I seem to remember the parachute clothing effect, but usually it was because I was in the water unexpectedly. You're right--sometimes baggy clothes are worse than fitted.
I also think that as we age we get the this-is-good-enough mindset going and I love it. We don't have to perfect. We just need to be healthy. I loved it when Jennifer Love Hewitt came back at the tabloids for calling her fat.
Yes
There is a point in life where you just accept who/what you are. For me, there was just a point where not worrying what I looked like and having fun was the point more than worrying about who was looking (and I think we think people are looking but they're not -- they're busy worrying about their own shortcomings, LOL). Mike convinced me of that -- he likes how I look, so that's all I have to really be worried about.
I saw family over the weekend, too, who live out there, and SILwas very annoyed with how the women in our books are so often perfect -- even when they aren't perfect, they are, you know what I mean? And she's a very athletic, attractive woman, but she looked across the table and asked me "Can you write a book with people who aren't so beautiful?" LOL I admitted that would actually be tough to do, with category anyway. In mainstream I think you can do it, but beautiful people generally are part of romance and category fiction. I guess it's because it's the "eye of the beholder" theory, which is what I fall back on -- it's not that we think those people are perfect, but their lovers do, and we're writing from that perspective.
Anyway...that's a tangent. But I've never been one for perfection, LOL. Too much work.
Sam
And to add to the tangent, I
And to add to the tangent, I was at a Q&A session once with editors of various houses and when asked if less than perfect and overweight heroines would be acceptable, the editors seemed to agree that they had no problem with less than perfect, but the general public did. Those books didn't sell as well.
I think that's true
because we want the fantasy while we're reading. I don't really want to read a romance about George Costanza, LOL, though I am happy to watch love stories, movies, with less than perfect looking characters.
And so much emphasis on weight. What about big noses, frizzy hair, beady eyes... now THERE'S a romance heroine for you! LOLOLOL NOT.
To be honest, I'm overweight, too, and I've seen plenty of unattractive thin people out there, LOL, and I wouldn't change places with them for anything. While I'd like to keep losing a few here and there and get in better shape to stay healthy, I think my body fits me, more or less, and I have features I bet some skinny people have wished they had from time to time. *G*
Sam
Not exactly a parachute but
When I was about 6, my mother signed me up for swim lessons. She bought me this special one piece bathing suit that had floaties sewn in to help me stay upright, etc etc.
Except...they made it look like I had boobs. BIG boobs! On a 6 year old's body! I was laughed at. By everyone including the teacher.
It taught me not to get in the water as they didn't expand until they were wet.
And that is why some (throat clearing) years later, I still don't swim.
Oh what a story! The things
Oh what a story! The things we endure as children because of our well-meaning parents. My mother does not know to this day how much I hated my cute red boots when I was 6. :)
Maureen,
Yes, the fear of the unknown fit is something I am very familiar with. I see it as a blessing sometimes--if it looks awful, I don't even have to think about whether or not to buy it. However, it can be very frustrating when looking for something in particular--like a dress for a special occasion. That almost ranks up there with swimming suits for me.
Swimsuits
You want find me wearing a swimsuit unless I am somewhere where know one knows me. I am overweight and have that middle ege stomac. To put it bluntly I am fat and I wear big baggy shirts to try to hide. Guess what you can't. My problem is that in this day everything is made real tight fitting hug the body type things. This just doesn't work for us bigger women. What's a person suppose to do, I have fault a wheight problem as long as I can remember, so I know I will never be thin. Its just not in the cards for me. I try to stay on a diet, but it just doesn't work. I will lose a few then gain more.
Hugs on fighting the weight.
Hugs on fighting the weight. It's such a battle and you're right--clothes today are not very forgiving. I'm not a huge believer in dieting either, because it activates our inner child, who always wants what it can't have.
Tankini
Hi Jeannie,
I like to wear tankinis. The top is a tank. I usually wear a regular bikini bottom, but I sometimes wear the boy shorts. The tankini is great because covers my stomach.
Thanks Jane,
I've been thinking about trying a tankini, and now, thanks to Sam, I may see if Lands End has them. I look so dumb in boy shorts because they cut directly across the part I want the eye to skim over, lol.
I have a perfectly good
I have a perfectly good swimsuilt I purchased 10 years ago. I wore it once. I don't think I will ever put a swimsuit on again. The world is not ready for this 65 year old bod in a swimsuit.
Estella
You slay me. 'Nuff said. :)
Jeannie
Swimsuits and shamrocks
I have to say Jeannie, I've never been outrun by a shamrock. But right now I'm really loving the mental image of it happening to you!
Swimsuits. I'm sure it was developed as some kind of torture device. Maybe during the Spanish inquisition. And why oh why do the manufacturers of swimsuits continue to offer designs with horizontal stripes?
My usual approach to wearing a swimsuit is to drink heavily and offer drinks to those around me. Usually by the third pina colada, I think I look pretty good. I usually dare to wear a bikini because I've found, strangely, with my body type I look 1/2 pound thinner than if I wear a one piece. And I do like to lay in the sun and get tan. As a friend once told me, you can have white fat or you can have tan fat.
-Tasha
Ah, Tasha--Your post was
Ah, Tasha--Your post was just what I needed after a day with the eighth graders! Drinks for everyone in the dressing room! What a great strategy. I must file this one away for future use.
Dang, girl!
I had to go to the dentist and think about buying bathing suits...all in one day! How rude. Thanks alot. ;)
I like Tasha's idea about getting our posse drunk and blind...LOL - on the tan fat!
Chelle
I'm thinking of designing a special purse flask made just for dressing room trauma. And I know who I'm going to use as my test marketers! ;)
ROFLMAO
About you being outrun by someone in a shamrock suit. That's the kind of Irish humor that makes my cry tears of laughter :-D
And then there's the other kind of tears.... I have a terrible time with swimsuits because I have a freakishly long torso so I HAVE to wear a two piece. I am also REALLY tiny bust-wise so it pretty much has to be a kid's size bikini.
And I have given birth to two children...
Luckily I've collected a large collection of lovely sarongs and I only take them off to enter the water :-)
Jen
http://www.jenlewis.com
Jen, I totally hear you!
You and me both can shop in the kiddie section for bikini tops... I've had three kids, and I blame them, really :) The breast-fairy gave while I was pregnant and nursing, and then she took it all back and then some! ;)
Apologies if that was TMI!
LOL Jeannie and Fedora!
At least we less-well-endowed chicks get to buy our "age 14-16" bras at $3 for $10 :-D (I love Old Navy...)
Jen
http://www.jenlewis.com
Jen!
Sarongs rule! I bought my first one about seven years ago and I never go anywhere without it!
Fedora
Since I hate bras, I was always grateful for being less blessed in that department. I have more now than before, but I truly believe there are plusses to being a smaller racked person. Once I asked my husband if he had an extra 5K would he want new breasts in the family, or a bass boat. He didn't hesitate. Bass boat.
Buy a Cowboy Hat!
My absolute biggest fear is that I might have to put on a swimsuit...really! So when my sister invited me to go on a cruise with her, I was thrilled and horrified at the same time. I did put the suit on...but also wore a pair of surfer-girl shorts over the suit, with a beach sarong wrapped over that, and a long, white, gauzy beach cover-up on top of that!! Then, if I had to go into the water, I'd shed everything except the shorts and suit and get into the water as quickly as I could, hoping nobody noticed my jiggly thighs or belly. So one day I met this lady from Indiana who said I needed to ditch the sarong and the cover-up, and just be comfortable with who I was. And if I couldn't do that, then I needed to buy a cowboy hat, because when you're walking along the beach in a cowboy hat, nobody notices anything else!
I'm with the lady you met ;)
And besides, now that I can proudly say I got to spend time with the great Karen Foley in person last week (we met for lunch, had a blast) I can attest that she is cute as a button and would look great, for sure.
I like the cowboy hat idea, though I often wear my Red Sox hat to protect my hair. I think the cowboy hat would be cool. Boots, not so much, LOL.
Sam
I do own a huge hat...but I
I do own a huge hat...but I love my sarong and I'm not ditching it for anyone, lol. Actually I do walk from my chair across the deck to the pool without the sarong, and I know that most people are thrilled when they see nonperfect people walking around comfortably. It's an inspiration and a reinforcement of the fact that we really are fine the way we are.
Hee!
Jeannie, your posts never fail to make me smile--never!
So sorry about the second-place finish to the running shamrock costume (a shamrock costume? really?? why???)--kudos to you for running at all! Are you doing the Bay to Breakers in May? I've done that once, many many years ago... I think I was part of a roll-of-Lifesavers...
As for swimsuits, I'm with those who avoid them as much as possible. And tankinis are a good thing... actually a large sack would probably be good, too, but then I'd stand out for wearing a sack. And the less attention the better, really :)
Fedora
I am doing Bay to Breakers! I'm so excited because it's my first. I'll be leaving Nevada around 4 pm the night before due to a previously booked engagement, driving to San Francisco, hope to get in by midnight and then get up and run. Thankfully we booked an extra night at the hotel during which we hope to recover, lol. Part of a roll of lifesavers--love it! Oh, and yes, a sack is distinctive. Try to avoid those if you want to blend.
I have totally avoided the
I have totally avoided the whole issue for years. The last one I bought (probably 10 yrs. ago) still fits but it was never comfortable - had one of those panels and always made me feel like back in the day when I wore a girdle (and that was before pantyhose ladies and I was like 13 and didn't need one but that's what you had to wear ugh).
I barely dodged the girdle
I barely dodged the girdle years. My mom wore them to work every day because you had to have that Della Street (for those familiar with Perry Mason) streamlined look in pencil skirts. I remember trying it on and thinking "People wear these all day!!! And I, too, was a scrawny kid at the time.
Oh yeah...
My mom was a waitress, and she would come home from her shift and start undressing at the front door, is the joke we always smile about in our family -- pantyhose, bra, girdle, uniform -- it was all gone by the time she hit the downstairs bathroom and could get into comfortable clothes. I think that's why I have an absolute priority of being comfortable, no matter what -- nice to look nice, but I put comfort above all. I only had one job ever that required me to "dress up" and wear heels, etc and it was ridiculous... Thank God those days are gone! I don't own a girdle or heels, I am proud to say. ;)
Sam
I hear you, Sam! I do dress
I hear you, Sam! I do dress up frequently, but have finally figured out how to do it comfortably--which usually involves trying on lots of clothes and doing a lot of strange movements in the dressing room (leg up, leg down, reach over head, bend over). I've even found comfy heels. They do exist and for those of us who are too tall to be petites, but too short for regular pants, they are sometimes necessary--unless I want to hem. I hate hemming.
I solved the problem of
I solved the problem of buying swimsuits for the 'fuller' figure - I don't go swimming any more :D
Though I do have a fairly decent one piece suit that I use around the house on very hot summer days - soemthing that luckily doesn't happen too often here in Wales. LOL