School is starting soon. Like in seven days, which will seem like seven nanoseconds—except for the movie I have to watch this Friday about dealing with blood and body fluids. That movie is at least 7 hours long—or so it seems. Oh, how I hate that movie. Guess what? The very first time I watched it, I learned not to touch blood or vomit or any other substance emanating from a human body with my bare hands. (Or at all.) This isn’t a lesson you forget easily, however, the powers that be assume that I need a yearly reminder. So I get one. Once I promise not to touch blood, then I am free to educate the youth of America.

I haven’t had much blood in my classroom that wasn’t my own—I’m a real klutz sometimes—even though for nine years I taught a class called “Crafts” which involved needles, scissors, X-acto knives. Now I have educational majors (majors, mind you, not minors) in Earth Science, Geography, Geology, Physical Science and General Science. Do you see the word “crafts” in that list? No. Neither do I. But the school went to an eight period day and they needed electives to fill slots and since I was artsy…well, you get the picture. The problem with crafts was that everyone wanted to take it. I mean, after all, it was crafts. How hard could it be?

I tried to make it hard. I tried to link it to world geography and study ethnic crafts. I tried to require a semester project. I tried lots of stuff, and finally I just gave up because the kids (and their parents) didn’t seem to care if they flunked crafts. After all, it’s only crafts. So we wove small blankets, batiked, used bead looms and made celluclay masks. I had no room to do science experiments (I taught half-day science, half-day crafts) because every available surface was covered with something crafty.

And guess where the kids who couldn’t handle French, Spanish, Home Ec or Shop due to behavioral issues ended up? It wasn’t in Current Events. I had one class that had so many behaviorally-challenged kids that I called it Felony Crafts. Out loud. The kids loved it—especially the non-felonious kids. I still have the occasional former student say reminiscently when we meet in the grocery store, “Do you remember Felony Crafts?” Boy howdy, do I. I especially remember the day all the X-acto knife blades disappeared (I know—what kind of fool has X-acto knives out during Felony Crafts?) Fortunately, the kid that had them was sliding the blunt end up between his lip and gum, thus forming a mouthful of blade teeth. The blades were confiscated with no harm done.

Well, crafts eventually went by the wayside and I went back to a full day of science. Do I miss it? No. Not one bit. But the kids loved it. For some of them, it was their one chance to shine in an academic setting, for others, it was a time to think of creative ways to use glue. I'm glad it's done, but I bet a lot of the kids that can't remember much Earth Science, remember how to string a loom. I guess that counts for something.